Understand Men

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July 2011


Men aren’t from Mars. Women aren’t from Venus. The two sexes may sometimes seem worlds apart, but they just communicate their thoughts and emotions in very different ways. This is to be expected. Men are wired different hormonally and neurologically from women, and have been socialized differently from birth.

Men communicate differently than women. Men react different emotionally. Men speak differently. Men face different expectations. A woman who understands and accepts these differences can dramatically improve her relationships with men. Men are no mystery. They are very predictable. Very easy to read. Understanding how men work is vital to your dating success, so take some time to re-educate yourself on men.

The first thing you must do is toss away any preconceived notions you have about men. Men are not ‘the enemy.’ They aren’t emotional dead-beats. Men don’t want to be single forever. They aren’t ‘just after one thing.’ Men are just as complex and beautiful as women. It’s time to see them for that. Inside all the machismo, ruggedness and bravado is person just like you; full of dreams, hopes and fears.

So store your emotional baggage in the overhead compartment, open up your heart and take some time to explore the mind of man.


Let men be men

The main problem women have with men is they expect men to act and think like them. It’s never going to happen. Doing so goes against every evolutionary urge and societal stereotype a man has. Women must accept men are men. It’s time for women to embrace this fact – not fight it.

Instead of expecting men to think, speak and act like them, women should spend their time and efforts on better understanding men. Learn about the challenges and pressures of being a man. Learn how men react to certain situations. Learn how to read them. Learn how to avoid misunderstandings. Don’t try to change them – learn to understand them.


Communication styles

Men and women communicate very differently. One uses details to make decisions, the other uses emotion. One talks nearly three times as much as the other. One likes to talk face-to-face, the other doesn’t. Therefore, it’s no wonder men and women have trouble communicating. Yet, with a little understanding of how men operate and how to translate, these different communication styles can be overcome.

Fact vs. Emotion

Men communicate fact. It is the currency of their language. Decisions are made on words and numbers. It may pain men to do something, but the facts don’t lie. Emotions almost always take a backseat to facts. The emotional settings of men are far lower than women. An emotional plea is far less effective on men, than women. Therefore, men are far less likely than women to make decisions based on emotion.

Men of few words

Men are reluctant verbal communicators. They simply don’t talk as much as women. Men use an average of 2,000 words per day; women 7,000 words per day. Think about it. A man can sit down with the guys to watch the Super Bowl, talk only sporadically throughout the three hour game and then drive home happy thinking about how nice it was to catch up with the guys again. To a woman this would be unthinkable if she got together with the girls.

Conversation face off

Men view face-to-face communication as a threat. Notice how on boxing and wrestling posters the two main combatants are placed face-to-face. It’s not an accident. It represents a stance of aggression for men. Women on the other hand, prefer to talk facing one another. Men prefer to talk standing or sitting side-to-side. So just because a man’s not looking directly at a women doesn’t mean he’s not giving her his full attention.

Language of man

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While women are masters at hidden meaning, subtle hints and subliminal suggestions, men are more simplistic. More direct. They have to be. They talk less than half as much as women. This is why they rarely mix messages. There is no mystery to his message. No decoding necessary. Wise women take a man’s words for face value and don’t waste time looking for hidden meaning that’s not there.

Avoid communication mishaps

Knowing how men communicate, knowing they aren’t as emotional, talk less, and don’t always talk face-to-face, can avoid misunderstandings. Misinterpreted, women may see these three actions as disrespectful or acts of disinterest. It could lead to anger, resentment or self-doubt. Knowing how men communicate will allow women to avoid all these potential misunderstandings.


Emotional styles

Men have traditionally been emotionally repressed. For more than a century men haven’t been allowed to cry, show their feelings or express how they really felt for a woman.

Men aren’t as emotional as women. Getting a man to open up to you, to pour out his heart and soul, to share his dreams and aspirations, how he’s feelings, what he’s thinking, isn’t going to happen overnight. Only after trust and security have been established will a man begin to open up emotionally.


For men, showing emotions is dangerous. Especially around other men. Men expect other men to avoid being overly emotional. It makes men uncomfortable if another man is emotionally sensitive or in touch with his feelings. It happens all the time, and reinforces the stereotypical role of men as ‘rough and tumble’ characters created to overcome physical challenges.

It’s important for women to understand men will never be as emotional as women. Everyone around them but you is pressuring him to hide his emotions, so don’t expect him to suddenly open up once you start dating. It takes time, trust and perhaps some Tequila, to get men to open up emotionally. So be patient.

Biological Influence

Men and women have very different biological agendas. A man is biologically driven to ensure the existence of future generations by impregnating as many women as possible. A woman is biologically driven to ensure the safety of her children and herself. This can lead to a biological divide.


Men are naturally inclined to avoid commitment. Women are naturally inclined to expect a man commit to help her during pregnancy help raise the child. While society’s views on relationships may have changed somewhat, our biological impulses have not. Evolution happens slowly, not overnight. Think of the body as an outdated machine, that hasn’t had its program updated to today’s values and expectations.


As long as men have testosterone pumping through their veins, the biological divide will cause relationship friction. An elevated level of this hormone causes men to be more aggressive and sexually driven. Testosterone is the reason you hear men argue about who is the hottest Disney cartoon character. Testosterone is the reason men’s heads turn when Marge Simpson comes on the TV.

Biological purpose

Women have to understand that men’s enhanced sex drive was key in keeping the species from going extinct. Instead of worrying about it, take advantage of it in the dating world. Use this sex drive to catch his attention with your body language and clothes. Then once you’ve got it, show him what an amazing woman you are.