The Character of Him

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November 2011


Social Skills

Take some time to consider what would make you feel most comfortable or what you could easily get used to and check off those descriptions below.

• Corporate entertainer: He always has business associates to entertain.

• Political crusader: I’m not sure if he’d rather talk politics or have sex. Or have sex while talking politics.

• Family guy: Every night is family night. He never gets tired of togetherness.

• Homebody: Would rather stay in his boxers and watch TV than go to all the trouble of going out.

• Late-night raver: Will dance the night away and then somehow still make it to work in the morning.

• Night crawler: Cannot stay in for the life of him. Must be out and about all the time.

• Networker: Goes to a lot of industry parties and events to rub elbows and distribute his card.

• Philanthropist, benefitgoer: Life is just one gala after another.

• Sports enthusiast: If there’s a game on, you know where to find him: at some bar with big-screen TVs and sawdust on the floor.

• Jet-setter: He’s a regular saint … as in he skis in Saint Moritz, summers in Saint-Tropez and winters in Saint Bart’s.

• Part-time socializer: Likes to stay in, but will go out once in a while to have dinner with friends.

• Couple-crazy: Life for him is like one long “happy couple” montage from the movies. He wants to do everything with me and me alone.

• Dinner party thrower: His home is the place for food and fun.

• Dinner party goer: He is often invited to his friends’ houses for parties.

• Dinner party avoider: He hates parties and doesn’t like to make the effort to maintain friendships.

• Nature lover (hiking and camping groups): Card-carrying member of the Sierra Club. An Eagle Scout who likes getaways to national parks.

• Athlete: Big-time runner, Ironman triathlete, mountain climber and cross-country cyclist. This guy’s life revolves around athleticism and peak performance.

• Good provider: We always have our material needs met.

• Good dad and husband: Dinner with the family after work, fun time with the kids on the weekends, and one night a week we go out, just the two of us.

Relational style

This is about how you want your dream guy to relate to you. The same goes for parenting style, financial issues and sexual style. Take some time to think about the way your dream man would handle your relationship and then check off the descriptions that come to mind.

• Emotionally expressive. Articulates his feelings.

• Affectionate. Shows emotion through hugs and kisses.

• Romantic in all the ways Hallmark would expect.

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• Actively involved parenting style.

• In control of finances.

• Willing to share responsibility for money.

• Highly sexual.

• Not that sexual.

• Aloof and doesn’t need or give much attention.

• Compassionate but remains level-headed.

• Money-motivated and a go-getter who must have all the creature comforts.

• A bohemian free spirit who doesn’t need many creature comforts.

• Someone who stubbornly demands to get his way.

• Open to compromise.

• Inseparable from you.

• In need of a lot of personal space.

Spiritual Compatibility

Look over the following list and check off whichever approach to spirituality works for you.

• He is very observant of the same religion as you.

• He is somewhat observant of the same religion as you.

• He is not at all observant, but comes from the same religious background as you.

• He is not at all religious but believes in a higher power.

• He doesn’t believe in a higher power at all.

• It doesn’t matter what he believes as long as he is open-minded and respectful of your beliefs.

Physical Characteristics

It’s definitely not the only thing –- it’s not even an important thing –- but it’s part of the formula you get. Come up with what you’d want if you had your druthers.

• Hair color, hair style. • Eye color. • Age. • Height.

• Body type: athletic, skinny, muscular, average size. • Nice voice.

Look over what you’ve checked off. That is your 80-percent guy — at least on paper. Remember, whenever you merge two lives, there is going to be some pain of adjustment. You have to be willing to sacrifice some of your time, space, money, effort and freedom — and you certainly have to be willing to compromise on some of what you want.

Now that you’re through checking off what you want, go back over your choices and cross off all the luxury items you can do without. What remains is your standard.