The Character of Him


October 2011


It’s very important to know exactly the type of partner you are searching for. If you don’t, how will you know when you’ve found him/her?

To figure out the kind of guy you want, go through the following five lists and check off everything that you can imagine as a desirable trait in your special someone. Don’t worry if your wish list seems too long. Check as many items in each category as you desire. Think about you, your life and your potential targets as you go. Which qualities would get you all hot and bothered? Which ones will make your life easier? And which ones have you been looking for all along?


Your preferences here should be made with full consideration of what would complement or compensate for your personality.

  • Funny: Makes me laugh out loud even when I’m having a bad day, which I haven’t done since I saw the last Adam Sandler movie. Plus, I tend to be too serious and want to lighten up some.
  • Serious: Isn’t afraid to think or talk about the deeper issues in life. Seriousness is important to me because I detest superficiality and need someone to resonate with me mentally and emotionally. The class clown is the last person I need to be with.
  • Leader: Knows how to take charge both at home and at work, so I feel safe knowing that if things get out of control, he can step in and make them right.
  • Supportive: Boosts my ego with plenty of praise and stands behind me no matter what. This is important because while I like to run things, I don’t see myself as a Lone Ranger.
  • Intellectual: Can participate in more esoteric discussions with me and our friends. This is important because I like to learn new things from my partner.
  • Emotional: Feels deeply and can relate to me on more than an intellectual level. This is important because I have an active emotional life and I need someone who understands this side of me.
  • Street-smart: Has great social skills and is a real survivor. He will make it in any circumstances. I need this either because I can be naïve sometimes and I like to have someone around who knows the score, or just because I get how it all works and I don’t want to spend my time teaching some guy who doesn’t.
  • Honest: Doesn’t play games, but is candid and forthright with me, even when it’s not easy – such as when he tells me I have food in my teeth and have had for days.
  • Sensual: Brings out the sexual vixen in me. I need this because I am usually pretty calm in the sexual realm and need someone to stir up that side of me, or because I am so sensual that I tend to overpower partners who aren’t.
  • Motivated: Driven to succeed in every aspect of his life. This is important because I want to live like a queen and my kids to live like princes, not paupers.
  • Stable: Lets me feel safe and comfortable because he is so solid. This is important because I am a free spirit and I need someone to be the ground beneath my feet, or because I work hard to be reliable and can’t stand people who don’t reciprocate.
  • Carefree: Helps me escape from all my stress with his easygoing, go-with-the-flow attitude. This is great because life is too short to worry all the time.
  • Spontaneous: Can live on the edge, pick up and go on the spur of the moment. This is important to me because I think too much planning takes all the fun out of having a good time.
  • Unpredictable: Keeps me on my toes so that I am never bored. This is important because, although I am quite structured, the thing I hate most in the world is getting stuck in a rut.
  • Organized: Takes care of things like bills and makes sure everything that needs to get done does. This is great because I can actually be a little scatterbrained sometimes.
  • Responsible: Can be relied upon to do what he says he will do. This is important because I need someone who can be my equal partner when it comes to doing the stuff that’s not fun as well as the stuff that is.
  • Dangerous: Gives me intense emotions, huge ups and downs, and makes me feel that I’m really alive. This is important to me because I don’t feel I’ve lived enough or because I’m bored to death any other way.
  • Independent: Likes to spend a lot of time apart and allows me to do the same. He never makes me feel any pressure or makes me feel that I’m responsible for his emotions. This is great because nothing turns me off faster than pressure.
  • Dependent: I feel certain that he’ll never leave me, because he would be lost without me. That’s important because I don’t handle emotional pain well alone.
  • Talkative: Keeps me entertained into the wee hours with great conversation. That’s important to me because I have lots to say.
  • Confident: Believes in himself, and makes me believe in him. This quality makes me feel good about my place in the world and secure in my future.
  • Wise: Thinks before he acts because he has learned from experience. This is important to me because I sometimes need guidance and would love to have a partner who can give me some real advice.
  • Disciplined: Strong enough to structure his life and follow his own rules. This is important because I can always trust him to follow through on what he promises.

Social Skills

To be continued …


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