On The Date

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October 2011

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Successful daters focus on being fun, not on being perfect. So use the date to have some fun and get to know them better. The goal of the date is to give them a reason to agree to see you again. Here are some tips from All-Star Dating Tips to help you put your best foot forward, avoid all the major date mistakes, and provide your date with some excitement and unforgettable interactions.

ON DATE ACTIONS

Stay calm, cool and confident
If you stay cool, calm and confident – they will too. Nervous is contagious. It can lead the awkward, guarded conversations that go nowhere. Staying cool, calm and confident will allow them to open up and be themselves. This leads to more genuine interactions and more powerful personal connections.

Eyes on the prize
Be sure to keep solid eye contact throughout the date. Try to look your date in the eye between 70 to 80% of the conversation. Great eye contact shows them you are actually interested in what they have to say. A key, if you’re going to get another date. People regard those with strong eye contact as more confident, truthful and trusting than those with poor eye contact.

Eye contact in motion
Look your date in the eye whenever possible when in conversation. If you’re out for a walk, continually turn your neck to face them. If they say something surprising, pause, and turn to face them. Make it appear as natural as possible, but make a real attempt to hold eye contact whenever possible. It will strengthen your interactions.

Smile
Show your date your smile. A smile projects a positive attitude, confidence and a playful manner. Smiles are infectious. They make you feel good and make it hard not to smile back. They make you look more attractive, engaging and friendly. Effective daters always show off their smile.

A helping hand
Offer your hand and lead them across the sidewalk or through a crowd. Put your hand in the small of their back and lead them out the door. Place your hand on their shoulder and steer them in the right direction. These simple gestures get them used to your touch and teach them to be physically comfortable around you.

Playful teasing
What worked in grade school still works today. People love playful teasing. It’s exciting. It’s challenging. It leads to laughter, creates comfort and builds a bond between you. Verbal sparring is a powerful and pressure-free form of flirting. It’s also one of the quickest ways to build sexual tension.

ON DATE BEHAVIOR

Eyes off others
If you’re out on a date with someone – keep your attention on them. Eyes off the hot waiter or waitress. It doesn’t matter if you can see the top of their thong when they bend over to clear plates off the surrounding tables. Ogling others will make your date feel unattractive and make you look like a world-class jerk.

Turn off the cell phone
Nothing ruins a conversation faster than multiple interruptions from a cell phone. Talking on the phone for more than two minutes on a date is unforgivable. If you’re expecting an important call, warn your date ahead of time or better yet, reschedule the date. If you’re a doctor, you’re allowed to wear a pager because lives depend on it. Otherwise, keep all your electronics turned off and tucked away.

Don’t date drunk
Too many singles use alcohol to ease their nervousness. Drinking may make you feel more confident and outgoing, but in reality it makes you look unrefined and easy. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and standards. You don’t want to do either. Use your personality, not your alcohol tolerance, to impress your date.

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Offer to pay for half – or all
Society expects men to pay on the first date, so it’s important they’re willing to do so. If she thinks you’re cheap – you’re not getting a second date. Woman on the other hand, can impress by offering splitting the tab. Odds are he’ll turn you down, but the offer shows him you have your financial life together and aren’t treating him like a meal ticket.

ON DATE CONVERSATION

Skip the small talk
Small talk is boring – especially on a first date. So skip past the small talk and ask them about something exciting. Instead of asking them what they think about the weather, ask them what’s the most exciting thing they’ve done lately. Leave the questions about their childhood, living situation and career highlights for the second date. Instead, entertain, excite and intrigue.

Open up your ears
Stop talking or focusing on what they look like naked and listen to what your date is saying. If you want to make a personal connection, you’re going to have to learn more about them. Pulling out little details is going to allow you to ask better questions. Impress them with your listening skills.

Ask amazing questions
Everyone asks questions. But few people ask really good, well-thought-out questions. Great questions allow you to have conversations they’ll never forget. So push past normal conversation limits. Show genuine interest in them by not being afraid to dive deep into their answers with amazing questions.

Star gazing
A person’s favourite topic is themselves. It doesn’t matter if they’re a powerful CEO or an Ordinary Joe, everyone has a story. Telling these stories allows people to feel like their life matters, their opinions are valuable and that they’re special. Use the conversation to illuminate all the things that make them amazing. If they feel like a star talking to you, they’ll find you more attractive.

Tell stories that showcase strengths
Put your best foot forward without bragging. Tell stories that showcase positive experiences and traits. Share stories about how much you enjoyed swimming with dolphins in Mexico, coaching youth basketball at the YMCA or hiding mini-eggs and chocolates for your cousins at Easter. Don’t share embarrassing or self-deprecating stories early on. Hide your shame until later.

PARTING SHOTS

Immediately confirm a second date
By the end of the date, it should be clear whether or not the two of you would like to see each other again. If things went well, tell them you had a great time and would like to meet again. If they agree, suggest an activity, day and time. To improve your chances, suggest an activity that came up in conversation (a love of the beach). Use their passions to your advantage.

Gentle letdown
If the date did not go well, give them a gentle letdown. Tell them it was nice to meet them and that you’ll probably see them around. Don’t commit to another date or a call you never intend to make. You don’t want to be too harsh, but you don’t want them waiting by the phone wondering why you’re not calling either.

Singles should know, “I’ll give you a call sometime,” means you’re likely never going to hear from that person again. Unless a specific activity and day were discussed – odds are they’re not going to call. “I’ll give you a call sometime,” is the dating world’s most polite and common letdown.