January 2012

Life, my friend, is not fair. Instead life is one giant advert and in your case you are the creative director and subject of your own advert. No one else is going to do it for you. Get it right and you reap the rewards. Get it wrong and you will be ignored and forgotten. And such is the premise of life for the single dater. Life shouldn’t be like this, people should love us for who we are and what we are. They should be able to see our hidden depths immediately and focus in on everything that we know to be good about ourselves. But like any product in the world today, you don’t know about it unless you sell it.

Self promotion begins with the basic product for sale – you. If it is no good, no one will buy into it. You may be able to fool the odd one or two but that’s about it. So the first step has to be to sort out your product and make sure it is as appealing as possible. Whilst I get lots of comments about how one has matured and is able to look below the surface, the surface is the first thing we encounter so it needs to be presentable.

You have to remember when promoting yourself that first appearances count, however much you hate that truth. And worse still another cliché, people do judge a book by its cover. Almost everything in our daily lives is marketed to us and it’s rare we get much for free (well this site being one of those rare exceptions!). So in short, you need to go into the bathroom and strip and take a good hard look at yourself. Once you have done that go and put your best clothes on and take another long hard look. Then be ruthless about your judgment. You will never see yourself as others do but do be brave enough to ask closest friends what they think too.

Now at this juncture you must concentrate. You already know your good and bad points but be realistic, I know people should love you for everything you are, but lets get to that later. First of all, what can you change about yourself that you can live with and that is possible and that will help you appeal to your chosen market. Don’t sell yourself short though. You want to be appealing to as wider an audience as feasible. If you are 50 and overweight you may not appeal to 21 year olds however much you wish you did. People generally date within a 10 year date range maximum. Beyond that and you are generally in rarity territory.

Okay so you know what can be fixed and you know your market and so the next thing is to go and do something about it. Good intentions never solved anything so get on that treadmill, join that diet class, get yourself out shopping, do get your hair cut and sort out your image. Once you have upgraded and maintained your image, your self confidence will soar. In doing so you will believe in the product you are offering – you!. If you believe in yourself you can do anything. Positive mental attitude is the most ignored and underrated thing you can achieve. You can turn yourself around in days and weeks buy feeling good about yourself.

Okay so a few weeks down the line you have recreated your product and you have selected your market and you know it will sell so now it’s time to go out there and market yourself. Self promotion is the name of the game. In the same was that faint heart never won fair lady, so staying at home in front of the TV never won anyone. Unless you talk to as many people as possible and socialize and join clubs and attend social functions and parties and events you won’t meet people. If you don’t meet people you won’t be able to make impressions on them and allow them to see what you have to offer. Marketing and self promotion isn’t just about image, it’s a numbers game. The more people you meet, the more chance you will encounter someone who wants your product – you!

You will find it easier to approach people because you believe in yourself and the more people you meet who express an interest so the more you will feel good. It is a self fulfilling prophecy. Keep at it and you will never look back. But whilst being sociable and meeting people keep in mind that your self promotion plan has a goal. That goal may be a new relationship. It may be many dates, it may be company or it may even be marriage and children. But whatever it is, part of your overall promotion plan must be to set attainable goals and then go after them. Everything in life takes time and effort to achieve. I know to all of us, some people appear to have it all, but apart from looks which we can’t control, the difference between us all is largely down to pure effort. Talents don’t mean much unless we use them.

These are some common traits in successful, well-liked people:

•         They are happy

•         They are fun

•         They are reliable

•         They make people feel good

•         They have a good sense of humor

•         They are organized

•         They are confident

•         They have direction

•         They are good listeners and can assist

•         They have goals and ambition

•         They are dynamic and spontaneous

And remember that if things do take time, your life has already changed for the better and you are well on your way to meeting the person of your dreams. I am sorry to suggest that we view ourselves using the language of commerce as it is somewhat tasteless but it is a simple truth about our modern society. Learn from the world about you to make yourself the most attractive you can be.

When you promote yourself to people when dating try and do the following to assist you in being a successful dater:

•         Be nice to all the people you meet

•         Meet as many people as you can

•         Learn to be sociable and willing

•         Learn to smile at people naturally

•         Be kind and considerate and generous

•         Learn to listen and be open minded

•         Lean to like yourself

•         Change the things you don’t like about yourself

•         Give yourself a makeover and be ruthless if necessary

•         Don’t stay indoors unless necessary

•         Learn about what makes people popular and copy their methods

•         Try to be happy and content with who you are as a person

•         Remove negative aspects and influences in your life permanently

•         Set attainable goals for yourself

•         have a mental image of how you see yourself in 3 years time and work towards it every day

•         Don’t suffer fools gladly though. You are not a fool either.

December 2011

Okay, so you date people hoping that one of these days you will come across the right person — the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with. But does it ever feel like you are going nowhere? Feel like you are lost and doomed in this whole dating business? Stop feeling sorry for yourself!

The reality of your situation is that luck has nothing to do with it. If you are like many people, you are probably dating blindfolded, without even realizing that you are doing so. If you feel unsuccessful and dissatisfied with your dating patterns, then it is time for you to take a few steps back to see where things went wrong for you. Think you have been doing everything right? Think again! If you look back, you might be surprised to learn that you got so caught up in just the whole dating experience that you neglected your true desires. What are you really looking for in a lover? What are your needs? What qualities are important for a person to have? What qualities are you willing to compromise with and accept?

Getting back in touch with what you are really looking for will help prevent you from staying in the dating scene forever. It is essential that you observe your actions and decisions, making sure that you do not continue to date certain people in the name of dating. If you find that you are not sharing the connection you crave with a person, then you must discontinue dating that person. Sure, you might feel bad for hurting that person’s feelings, but what you must remember is that there is nothing too personal or emotional between the two of you anyway, so break it off. This is where so many get stuck, mistaking casual trial dates with a personal and emotional relationship. This may sound too businesslike for your taste, but this is the way it goes in the real world of dating. If you spend your time trying to spare people hurt or disappointment, then you have been doing it all wrong. This does not mean that you have to be harsh and rude, but it does mean that you have to make finding the right person a high priority.

This brings us to the next essential point in dating. While it is normal that you fix yourself up to make a great impression on your date, it is not the most important thing that you should focus on. In fact, so many dating singles out there worry so much about what their date will think, that they totally forgot the purpose of the date — to find out whether or not they will find the connection they are seeking. Shift your focus. Observe everything about your potential mate. Do you like their appearance? Does their personality appeal to you? Do you feel that you are making a good connection? It is what you think that is important here, because you are the one looking for the right person. Leave what they think, up to them!

The fear of being single forever can cloud your good judgment, causing you to continue seeing a person who you know you are not entirely satisfied with. You will do this because you will try to convince yourself that maybe you have been too picky. You might think this person is better than nobody. Stop lying to yourself! You do not have to get stuck with someone you are not entirely happy with, nor do you have to be single forever. Being honest and up front from the beginning is what will get you where you want to be. Do not worry that you may scare off someone by telling him or her exactly what expectations you have. Look at this way: If they get scared that quickly, then it’s a sign that they are not looking for the same thing as you are. This saves you time so you can move on to dating someone else.

As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses, know what your really want, stick to it and make it clear to the people that you date, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages, misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal of meeting the right person seriously and important, then you will stay motivated to find him or her. And when you do, you will finally be able to begin the kind of relationship that you have always longed for, needed and deserve.

By topdatingtips.com

November 2011

Don’t be fooled by yourself or kind hearted friends. Looks matter in the dating game and never more so that in the media-savvy world we live in today. It maybe be unfair, we may hate it, but it is true. Image is king and speaks volumes about who we are. From the clothes we wear to the places we eat and drink to the places we decide to inhabit, people notice what we do and make judgements as to who we are by how we look.

The very first facet of our self-image is our presentation to others and this is initially portrayed through the way we look. Now I think it’s fair to say that most people don’t have a fabulous self image. We all know people who love themselves but generally, though we may like ourselves, we don’t love everything about us. We may not like our noise, the shape of our face, our hair, the way we get a wrinkle around the eye. Maybe our butt is too big or we could do with losing some weight. But whatever it is, there will always be something that could be bettered. Just look at the way people who have had a lot of cosmetic surgery still manage to complain. Well I am sorry guys, but perfection is somewhat elusive.

The basis of any courtship, date or relationship is basic physical attraction. If you are not attracted to someone and they are not attracted to you, you have just become friends. Whatever happens afterwards, it is likely to stay that way. You both must be physically attracted on some level to make things work. Yes, spiritual attraction, deep respect and friendship all do play a part in the longer term but in the first few minutes of meeting we instantly recognize whether there is an attraction and chemistry present between us.

Initial dates are all about looks, about who and what we find attractive and we are foolish if we try and suppress these desires. If you like someone’s hair, eyes, lips, the way they play with their fingers, the way they hold a glass or the way they walk then this is all on purpose. It is all part of the grander plan of matching like with like. By matching couples who are physically attracted, it is nature’s way of pairing off. And for the most part it works well. The issue arises where we have trouble finding people who find us attractive.

The first thing that springs to mind is that where physically appealing looks are lacking, so people tend to make up with personality. Some of the sexiest people I have ever met are not physically attractive but they are immensely funny. Comedians are often not the best looking people you have met but are very attractive. This in some way comes from their inner confidence and stage presence. It is often said that men who are not too tall exude character and personality to make up for it. Again this may be true.

The key thing though is that we must not underplay the reality that looks are important when dating. We should try to understand what kind of looks we really are attracted to and what kind of people we appeal to. We should understand how we look to others. If we are unhappy with the way we look then we should take necessary steps to look the best we can. That is not for others but purely for ourselves. In turn this will increase confidence levels and help make us more attractive. People will often say that one should not care about what is outside but what is inside that matters. It’s true. That is the way the world should be. But it isn’t. That kind of comment comes from those who are secretly worried about the way they look.

In modern society, we can all look good and we can look healthy. It is possible to buy image from the local store and we are sophisticated presenters of image through our exposure to the media. But in the end we are in danger of losing a connection to the most basic of instincts, physical match. We can pretend that men and women who seek physical perfection are shallow and outdated, but they are only following their basic instincts. We can disguise and we can pretend and we can plead for others to look at our inner selves first and we can spend months chatting on an Internet dating site to show how nice we are. However in a two minute meeting face to face, we both know whether it will work or not.

Physical matching is not about physical perfection, it is about compatibility. If you are not feeling truly good about yourself when you are about to begin dating then take some time out to take an inventory of yourself and then set about changing a few things. Remember that everything you do in life affecting your appearance should primarily be for yourself but at the same time if you are serious about dating successfully you really should think very seriously about how you look to others. As I have said previously, you may be searching for your perfect partner, but to find them you may well have to try and present yourself as their ideal mate too.

Finally consider this. A survey recently asked what attribute people most associated with being poor and unsuccessful. The top answer was being overweight and the second was smoking.

By topdatingtips.com

Why You Should Become More Confident

November 2011

I once read the results of a survey in a leading woman’s magazine that said the number 1 most attractive quality in a man was confidence. Not arrogance, confidence. It took some time to sink in as to what this really meant. Did it mean grabbing the girl in matinee idol pose and whisking her backwards whilst I kissed those luscious lips of hers? Did it mean turning into a caveman never taking no for an answer? Did it mean turning up at the door of the girl next door and whisking her off to Paris for the weekend, though we had hardly spoken? What did they mean by confidence? The quest was on it find out.

Every woman I have asked will answer in a different vein so the answer isn’t all things to all men. Confidence, it appears, is in the eye of the beholder. Even worse, confidence can easily be misconstrued so one has to tread carefully. The point is not confidence itself, but it’s easier to define by its opposite, fear. Fear in men is not attractive. Fear defines a man as not knowing his own value, lacking a feeling of self worth, not being sure of his abilities, lacking in presence and determination. This I may add is very different from justifiable fear that we all face.

Okay, back to confidence. Men are attractive when they are confident said one friend. Another told me, “ooh a confident man makes me go weak at the knees”. So I pressed them further. A confident man it seems is one who carries with him a self-assuredness that is most definitely not arrogance. It is a state where a man feels sure of himself and his abilities, knows what he is about, knows himself for what he can do,, what he may be able to do, what he may fail at but does not fear to try. A confident man is in control of his destiny, his future, his career, his day. And to many women that is very attractive.

After all, a woman is looking for a partner, one who will not only match with her mentally and physically, but someone who can drive her onwards, someone who has ambition and vitality, someone who can pass hi self assuredness on to her. A man who is confident is sexy because he is comfortable with himself, he is in control and he is able to make decisions, good decisions. He is confident in the choices he makes and in choosing you (maybe really you selected him), he passes this feeling of being special on to you. Being selected by the right man can be very sexy indeed.

If you are going to date the beauty in the corner and father her children then running away is not a good start, neither is feeling bad about yourself and failing to be able to hold a decent conversation. Far too many men decide in advance of an approach if they are worth of a woman’s attentions or not. All too often they believe they are not. Except where alcohol is involved. Men in bars exude confidence, but they also exude beer breath as well! No the fact is that guys who lack confidence prejudge most situations and inevitably take themselves out of the dating fray before it ever happens, hoping, strangely, that the woman will make the first move.

The fact is, the confident men more often than not get the girl, because the confident man has something about him. I know plenty of good looking handsome men who are afraid to approach women so it’s not necessarily about looks. No, it’s about something within. Confidence is about self respect and self understanding. It comes from understanding what you yourself are about and when this happens a sexy man reaches out. Often lack of confidence in men is because of physique and yet it is an issue so easy to fix. 12 weeks in a gym will change a man’s life. A fit man is a confident man. Dress is also something that instills confidence. No man has an excuse for not dressing reasonably smart these days as fashion for men is everywhere.

Ultimately we all lose confidence from time to time. People can take our confidence away at work or at home, in partnerships and on our own. Ultimately though these are passing phases. If a man can do one thing for himself in the dating game, that is to learn about his own confidence levels in an honest way and then go about doing something to increase them. Feel good about yourself guys and someone will feel good about you.

By topdatingtips.com

November 2011

Social Skills

Take some time to consider what would make you feel most comfortable or what you could easily get used to and check off those descriptions below.

• Corporate entertainer: He always has business associates to entertain.

• Political crusader: I’m not sure if he’d rather talk politics or have sex. Or have sex while talking politics.

• Family guy: Every night is family night. He never gets tired of togetherness.

• Homebody: Would rather stay in his boxers and watch TV than go to all the trouble of going out.

• Late-night raver: Will dance the night away and then somehow still make it to work in the morning.

• Night crawler: Cannot stay in for the life of him. Must be out and about all the time.

• Networker: Goes to a lot of industry parties and events to rub elbows and distribute his card.

• Philanthropist, benefitgoer: Life is just one gala after another.

• Sports enthusiast: If there’s a game on, you know where to find him: at some bar with big-screen TVs and sawdust on the floor.

• Jet-setter: He’s a regular saint … as in he skis in Saint Moritz, summers in Saint-Tropez and winters in Saint Bart’s.

• Part-time socializer: Likes to stay in, but will go out once in a while to have dinner with friends.

• Couple-crazy: Life for him is like one long “happy couple” montage from the movies. He wants to do everything with me and me alone.

• Dinner party thrower: His home is the place for food and fun.

• Dinner party goer: He is often invited to his friends’ houses for parties.

• Dinner party avoider: He hates parties and doesn’t like to make the effort to maintain friendships.

• Nature lover (hiking and camping groups): Card-carrying member of the Sierra Club. An Eagle Scout who likes getaways to national parks.

• Athlete: Big-time runner, Ironman triathlete, mountain climber and cross-country cyclist. This guy’s life revolves around athleticism and peak performance.

• Good provider: We always have our material needs met.

• Good dad and husband: Dinner with the family after work, fun time with the kids on the weekends, and one night a week we go out, just the two of us.

Relational style

This is about how you want your dream guy to relate to you. The same goes for parenting style, financial issues and sexual style. Take some time to think about the way your dream man would handle your relationship and then check off the descriptions that come to mind.

• Emotionally expressive. Articulates his feelings.

• Affectionate. Shows emotion through hugs and kisses.

• Romantic in all the ways Hallmark would expect.

• Actively involved parenting style.

• In control of finances.

• Willing to share responsibility for money.

• Highly sexual.

• Not that sexual.

• Aloof and doesn’t need or give much attention.

• Compassionate but remains level-headed.

• Money-motivated and a go-getter who must have all the creature comforts.

• A bohemian free spirit who doesn’t need many creature comforts.

• Someone who stubbornly demands to get his way.

• Open to compromise.

• Inseparable from you.

• In need of a lot of personal space.

Spiritual Compatibility

Look over the following list and check off whichever approach to spirituality works for you.

• He is very observant of the same religion as you.

• He is somewhat observant of the same religion as you.

• He is not at all observant, but comes from the same religious background as you.

• He is not at all religious but believes in a higher power.

• He doesn’t believe in a higher power at all.

• It doesn’t matter what he believes as long as he is open-minded and respectful of your beliefs.

Physical Characteristics

It’s definitely not the only thing –- it’s not even an important thing –- but it’s part of the formula you get. Come up with what you’d want if you had your druthers.

• Hair color, hair style. • Eye color. • Age. • Height.

• Body type: athletic, skinny, muscular, average size. • Nice voice.

Look over what you’ve checked off. That is your 80-percent guy — at least on paper. Remember, whenever you merge two lives, there is going to be some pain of adjustment. You have to be willing to sacrifice some of your time, space, money, effort and freedom — and you certainly have to be willing to compromise on some of what you want.

Now that you’re through checking off what you want, go back over your choices and cross off all the luxury items you can do without. What remains is your standard.

The speed dating does not have to be stressful or frightening; you will be pleasantly surprised how fun and relaxing it really is.

Three minutes is just long enough to know if you are interested in someone. It’s not always an instant attraction; you may enjoy talking, or like their sense of humour. With so many people to meet, speed dating has a much higher rate of success than the traditional methods of dating. It’s a great chance to meet a roomful of interesting and lively characters with an open attitude to meet someone special.

9 December – Three Minute Speed Dating (Only $29)

• Time: 7pm Friday
• Venue: Hotel Bristol (131 Cuba Street)
• Cost: $29 Only (includes a free drink and nibbles)
• Ages: 25 to 40  (Last few places left)

BOOK NOW

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Special $29

October 2011

It’s very important to know exactly the type of partner you are searching for. If you don’t, how will you know when you’ve found him/her?

To figure out the kind of guy you want, go through the following five lists and check off everything that you can imagine as a desirable trait in your special someone. Don’t worry if your wish list seems too long. Check as many items in each category as you desire. Think about you, your life and your potential targets as you go. Which qualities would get you all hot and bothered? Which ones will make your life easier? And which ones have you been looking for all along?

Personality

Your preferences here should be made with full consideration of what would complement or compensate for your personality.

• Funny: Makes me laugh out loud even when I’m having a bad day, which I haven’t done since I saw the last Adam Sandler movie. Plus, I tend to be too serious and want to lighten up some.
• Serious: Isn’t afraid to think or talk about the deeper issues in life. Seriousness is important to me because I detest superficiality and need someone to resonate with me mentally and emotionally. The class clown is the last person I need to be with.
• Leader: Knows how to take charge both at home and at work, so I feel safe knowing that if things get out of control, he can step in and make them right.
• Supportive: Boosts my ego with plenty of praise and stands behind me no matter what. This is important because while I like to run things, I don’t see myself as a Lone Ranger.
• Intellectual: Can participate in more esoteric discussions with me and our friends. This is important because I like to learn new things from my partner.
• Emotional: Feels deeply and can relate to me on more than an intellectual level. This is important because I have an active emotional life and I need someone who understands this side of me.
• Street-smart: Has great social skills and is a real survivor. He will make it in any circumstances. I need this either because I can be naïve sometimes and I like to have someone around who knows the score, or just because I get how it all works and I don’t want to spend my time teaching some guy who doesn’t.
• Honest: Doesn’t play games, but is candid and forthright with me, even when it’s not easy – such as when he tells me I have food in my teeth and have had for days.
• Sensual: Brings out the sexual vixen in me. I need this because I am usually pretty calm in the sexual realm and need someone to stir up that side of me, or because I am so sensual that I tend to overpower partners who aren’t.
• Motivated: Driven to succeed in every aspect of his life. This is important because I want to live like a queen and my kids to live like princes, not paupers.
• Stable: Lets me feel safe and comfortable because he is so solid. This is important because I am a free spirit and I need someone to be the ground beneath my feet, or because I work hard to be reliable and can’t stand people who don’t reciprocate.
• Carefree: Helps me escape from all my stress with his easygoing, go-with-the-flow attitude. This is great because life is too short to worry all the time.
• Spontaneous: Can live on the edge, pick up and go on the spur of the moment. This is important to me because I think too much planning takes all the fun out of having a good time.
• Unpredictable: Keeps me on my toes so that I am never bored. This is important because, although I am quite structured, the thing I hate most in the world is getting stuck in a rut.
• Organized: Takes care of things like bills and makes sure everything that needs to get done does. This is great because I can actually be a little scatterbrained sometimes.
• Responsible: Can be relied upon to do what he says he will do. This is important because I need someone who can be my equal partner when it comes to doing the stuff that’s not fun as well as the stuff that is.
• Dangerous: Gives me intense emotions, huge ups and downs, and makes me feel that I’m really alive. This is important to me because I don’t feel I’ve lived enough or because I’m bored to death any other way.
• Independent: Likes to spend a lot of time apart and allows me to do the same. He never makes me feel any pressure or makes me feel that I’m responsible for his emotions. This is great because nothing turns me off faster than pressure.
• Dependent: I feel certain that he’ll never leave me, because he would be lost without me. That’s important because I don’t handle emotional pain well alone.
• Talkative: Keeps me entertained into the wee hours with great conversation. That’s important to me because I have lots to say.
• Confident: Believes in himself, and makes me believe in him. This quality makes me feel good about my place in the world and secure in my future.
• Wise: Thinks before he acts because he has learned from experience. This is important to me because I sometimes need guidance and would love to have a partner who can give me some real advice.
• Disciplined: Strong enough to structure his life and follow his own rules. This is important because I can always trust him to follow through on what he promises.

Social Skills

…

To be continued …

October 2011

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Successful daters focus on being fun, not on being perfect. So use the date to have some fun and get to know them better. The goal of the date is to give them a reason to agree to see you again. Here are some tips from All-Star Dating Tips to help you put your best foot forward, avoid all the major date mistakes, and provide your date with some excitement and unforgettable interactions.

ON DATE ACTIONS

Stay calm, cool and confident
If you stay cool, calm and confident – they will too. Nervous is contagious. It can lead the awkward, guarded conversations that go nowhere. Staying cool, calm and confident will allow them to open up and be themselves. This leads to more genuine interactions and more powerful personal connections.

Eyes on the prize
Be sure to keep solid eye contact throughout the date. Try to look your date in the eye between 70 to 80% of the conversation. Great eye contact shows them you are actually interested in what they have to say. A key, if you’re going to get another date. People regard those with strong eye contact as more confident, truthful and trusting than those with poor eye contact.

Eye contact in motion
Look your date in the eye whenever possible when in conversation. If you’re out for a walk, continually turn your neck to face them. If they say something surprising, pause, and turn to face them. Make it appear as natural as possible, but make a real attempt to hold eye contact whenever possible. It will strengthen your interactions.

Smile
Show your date your smile. A smile projects a positive attitude, confidence and a playful manner. Smiles are infectious. They make you feel good and make it hard not to smile back. They make you look more attractive, engaging and friendly. Effective daters always show off their smile.

A helping hand
Offer your hand and lead them across the sidewalk or through a crowd. Put your hand in the small of their back and lead them out the door. Place your hand on their shoulder and steer them in the right direction. These simple gestures get them used to your touch and teach them to be physically comfortable around you.

Playful teasing
What worked in grade school still works today. People love playful teasing. It’s exciting. It’s challenging. It leads to laughter, creates comfort and builds a bond between you. Verbal sparring is a powerful and pressure-free form of flirting. It’s also one of the quickest ways to build sexual tension.

ON DATE BEHAVIOR

Eyes off others
If you’re out on a date with someone – keep your attention on them. Eyes off the hot waiter or waitress. It doesn’t matter if you can see the top of their thong when they bend over to clear plates off the surrounding tables. Ogling others will make your date feel unattractive and make you look like a world-class jerk.

Turn off the cell phone
Nothing ruins a conversation faster than multiple interruptions from a cell phone. Talking on the phone for more than two minutes on a date is unforgivable. If you’re expecting an important call, warn your date ahead of time or better yet, reschedule the date. If you’re a doctor, you’re allowed to wear a pager because lives depend on it. Otherwise, keep all your electronics turned off and tucked away.

Don’t date drunk
Too many singles use alcohol to ease their nervousness. Drinking may make you feel more confident and outgoing, but in reality it makes you look unrefined and easy. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and standards. You don’t want to do either. Use your personality, not your alcohol tolerance, to impress your date.

Offer to pay for half – or all
Society expects men to pay on the first date, so it’s important they’re willing to do so. If she thinks you’re cheap – you’re not getting a second date. Woman on the other hand, can impress by offering splitting the tab. Odds are he’ll turn you down, but the offer shows him you have your financial life together and aren’t treating him like a meal ticket.

ON DATE CONVERSATION

Skip the small talk
Small talk is boring – especially on a first date. So skip past the small talk and ask them about something exciting. Instead of asking them what they think about the weather, ask them what’s the most exciting thing they’ve done lately. Leave the questions about their childhood, living situation and career highlights for the second date. Instead, entertain, excite and intrigue.

Open up your ears
Stop talking or focusing on what they look like naked and listen to what your date is saying. If you want to make a personal connection, you’re going to have to learn more about them. Pulling out little details is going to allow you to ask better questions. Impress them with your listening skills.

Ask amazing questions
Everyone asks questions. But few people ask really good, well-thought-out questions. Great questions allow you to have conversations they’ll never forget. So push past normal conversation limits. Show genuine interest in them by not being afraid to dive deep into their answers with amazing questions.

Star gazing
A person’s favourite topic is themselves. It doesn’t matter if they’re a powerful CEO or an Ordinary Joe, everyone has a story. Telling these stories allows people to feel like their life matters, their opinions are valuable and that they’re special. Use the conversation to illuminate all the things that make them amazing. If they feel like a star talking to you, they’ll find you more attractive.

Tell stories that showcase strengths
Put your best foot forward without bragging. Tell stories that showcase positive experiences and traits. Share stories about how much you enjoyed swimming with dolphins in Mexico, coaching youth basketball at the YMCA or hiding mini-eggs and chocolates for your cousins at Easter. Don’t share embarrassing or self-deprecating stories early on. Hide your shame until later.

PARTING SHOTS

Immediately confirm a second date
By the end of the date, it should be clear whether or not the two of you would like to see each other again. If things went well, tell them you had a great time and would like to meet again. If they agree, suggest an activity, day and time. To improve your chances, suggest an activity that came up in conversation (a love of the beach). Use their passions to your advantage.

Gentle letdown
If the date did not go well, give them a gentle letdown. Tell them it was nice to meet them and that you’ll probably see them around. Don’t commit to another date or a call you never intend to make. You don’t want to be too harsh, but you don’t want them waiting by the phone wondering why you’re not calling either.

Singles should know, “I’ll give you a call sometime,” means you’re likely never going to hear from that person again. Unless a specific activity and day were discussed – odds are they’re not going to call. “I’ll give you a call sometime,” is the dating world’s most polite and common letdown.

September 2011

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There are ten personality traits that attract women. Each reveals a part of a man’s true character. They show women if you’re going to be a good match. If you’re a good person. If you have what it takes to make her happy. If you’re short-term or long-term dating material. Needless to say, it’s important for men to have all ten traits.

Having five of the ten traits isn’t enough. Missing a single one can ruin a date or relationship in the blink of an eye.

Positive outlook
Women can’t help but be attracted to positive men. These men act like magnets. Wherever they’re standing in a room, a crowd follows to bathe in their positive glow. A big smile, followed by some kind words, is their trademark greeting and usually all it takes to win women over.

The world can be a negative place, full of disappointment and failure. People are naturally attracted to positive people because they make us feel good about ourselves. They make us feel safe. They make us feel special.

Confidence
A confident man is alluring. He stands out in a crowd. His posture is powerful. His eyes self-assured. His walk mesmerizing. He isn’t afraid to be the center of attention or shift into the background. Nor is he afraid to just be himself. For a woman, a confident man is hard to find and even harder to keep her eyes off of.

Confidence is a mix of many. Combine a healthy self-image, strong body language, the smell of success and a certain swagger, and you’ve got confidence. Confidence is addictive to everyone around you. It’s a powerful emotion they all want to be a part of in hopes it will rub off on them.

Aggression
Women love men who aren’t afraid to go after the things they want in life. Aggression takes energy, vitality, fearlessness, ambition and passion. All are emotions women covet in men and want in their own lives. Each are also emotions a woman partners with sexuality. Thus, an aggressive man will be seen as a more sexual figure than a passive man.

Just know there is an art to aggression. An overly-aggressive man will come off abrasive and needy. It should be a muted aggression built on calm and cool. If a man doesn’t show he needs the woman’s attention, odds are he’ll get it.

Unpredictablity
Women are attracted to men they can’t control or predict. They obsess over the men who flirt, give them attention, and then don’t feel the need to talk the next day. The lack of availability creates mystery and intrigue. They assume he’s seeing other women and will try that much harder to earn more of his time.

A kitten never tires of chasing a string that’s just out of reach, but once it has the string in its clutches, it quickly loses interest. Women, to some degree, are like the kitten. They love the thrill of the chase. So don’t drop the string guys. Always keep them guessing.

Independent
An independent man doesn’t lose touch with his own life, friends and interests when dating a woman. He will view her as a welcome addition to his world, but not his entire world. Independent men have busy lives. They aren’t going to clear their entire schedule to accommodate a woman.

Refusing to drop everything for a woman will actually impress her more than clearing your schedule to accommodate her. By keeping dates with friends and continuing hobbies, a man shows that he’s loyal, doesn’t need to be entertained all the time and has lots options to keep him busy.

Adventurous
Adventurous men a mix use a mix of adrenaline and psychology to attract women. Adventurous activities take women on an emotional roller-coaster, washing away their everyday concerns with fun and excitement. The emotional overload is going to thrill her and cause her to be more care-free.

Adventure dates are not only a lot of fun, but they provide you with amazing stories to help attract other dates. An added bonus is your adventure partner usually transfers the excitement of the adventure into seeing you as more exciting, fun and sexy. So feel free to use white water rapids, steep cliffs and open sky to increase her attraction.

Appreciative
A woman doesn’t want to be fawned over for every thing she does, but she does want you to appreciate the little things. When a woman cuts the grass, does the dishes or takes out the trash, all she needs is a “thanks” and a kiss on the cheek.

But when she does something outside the realm of everyday chores and expectations, she expects you to notice. If she put on her best dress for your dreaded staff party, reward her with a flirtatious wink from across the room, then whisper something seductive in her ear as you walk past.

Honest
Honesty is always the best policy. Strong, confident men aren’t afraid to be completely honest. If it isn’t working out they don’t lie to themselves or their partner. They accept it.

Relationships, however big or small, are built on trust. If you shatter that trust, you might never be able to put it back together. This is why men who try to be something they aren’t, are always doomed to failure.

Humorous
Men don’t need to be stand-up comedian or have a show on Comedy Central to be considered funny. All you need to be able to do is make the occasional joke or provide a humorous comeback if someone’s hassling you.

Being funny isn’t that difficult, but it is a very powerful tool to impress women. Women always list humor as one of the most attractive traits a man can have. And nothing wins the friends of women over faster than a witty comeback.

Cool under fire
Women want a man who can handle any social situation that comes up. A man who doesn’t get rattled by difficult people, places or situations. Men that know how to keep a bad situation from escalating into something worse, make life a lot easier for women.

Women judge how a man reacts under stressful situations – especially when she doesn’t know a lot about him. Showing poorly in one of these situations can cost you a date or even a relationship. So keep your head and stay cool.

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September 2011

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Compromise is undoubtedly the key to many problems we face. We are so set in our ways that only our way will do. And so arises the great problem in dating and relationships. If only we could compromise, then we would be better placed to find common ground and work things out. I often hear people saying that they will never compromise on who they would choose to date, what their standards are, what is acceptable for a partner and so on. It makes me sad because who said they themselves were so perfect anyway? Who said they had a right to be so choosey and demanding? Well they did and they do have that right. The dangerous outcome though is that they could be single for a long time yet and unhappy in their personal lives because they are simply just too rigid.

Now I know that some of you are going to hate this idea of compromise. After all, appearing to compromise in the past has meant you have had some tough relationships and tough times with people. Why should you compromise, it is your life after all. Very good argument. You don’t have to compromise at all. Not at all. The problem arises then in building relationships with new people. We may have high standards with our friends and we may have higher standards still for prospective partners but are you going to find perfection? Are you truly perfection yourself? Come on be honest with me, speak to me. Exactly how perfect in every way are you? Exactly! Good so now that I have your attention, lets look at compromises.

Here are six aspects of compromising that we may encounter when dating:

1. Compromise on Perfection

Oh yes, you have the perfect image of someone in your head and its not just about looks. You have an image built up from dreams as well as experience and you are willing to hold out for that, however long and whatever it takes. I have a shock for you babe, life isn’t perfect and neither are people. Your idols aren’t perfect in their private lives and neither are you. So why set such rigid rules about the people you are going to date.

If you are setting perfection against looks, are you prefect too? If you are only attracted to a certain kind of looks or behavior then I can’t argue with that but demanding that someone MUST be 6 feet tall instead of 5’11″ is a recipe for dating disaster and speaks volumes about a lack of perspective. I am not asking anyone to compromise on what and who they attracted to but I am asking them to see with both eyes.

Once you move into the realm of relationships you will find that people are far from perfect. There is no one who sees a person the same after ten years as the way they saw them the first 5 minutes they met. That’s because as we learn about someone our perspective changes. It is not to say we love any less, but we compromise and begin to accept people with their imperfections. If you cannot accept this you may be better off out-with a relationship.

2. Compromise on Expectations

What do you seriously expect when dating? Do you expect to be hit by Cupid’s arrow every time you meet someone. Are you waiting for love at first sight? Are you hoping that every date will lead to marriage? These are important questions because they govern your initial reaction to every new date, they govern how you behave on a date and they govern what will happen at the end of date. Dating is about fun as much as romance and by compromising and accepting that you will enjoy dating much more. After being on 50 dates you may well argue the point that you have a right to expect that eventually you will meet someone you can match with. You are right to be frustrated and I know what you are feeling. The fact is that dating takes time so expect to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince.

3. Compromise on Dates

Approaching dating too seriously badly affects the outcome and your response every time. You may not enjoy dating because of your seriousness and may get dating fatigue. Not everyone you meet will be your perfect match but neither may they be bad people, not extremely pleasant and stimulating, or even sexy. Remember that opposites can and do attract. My advice is to loosen up and enjoy dating for what it is, meeting new people. You most certainly will know it when you are hit by Cupid’s arrow, and you don’t have to compromise on your perfect match, just compromise on your expectations to dating before you begin. Learn to get pleasure from every new experience.

4. Compromise in Relationships

Being part of a two-people team means exactly that, being a team. Being a partnership means listening to both arguments, both sides of a case, both points of view. The word ‘relationship’ means compromise. It seems to me these days that a relationship has become all too often a power struggle where one person is trying to get the upper hand, to dominate, to get their own selfish way. The second party becomes subjugated and weakened and stops being themselves. This is a modern disgrace hidden in too many relationships and it makes me tired to see it.

A relationship is not a power struggle and both partners should be equal. If your partner likes to play power games and feel empowered because of it, they have psychological issues that in themselves can cause relationship issues further down the line. If you are not willing to compromise in a relationship, then ask yourself why you are with that person. Your partner does not exists purely as part of your own support system. They have their own needs too.

5. Compromise on the Little Things

It is always the little things that are the most important. It may be the smallest of things that matter to a person, such as leaving the toilet seat up, not tidying up before going to bed, not making the bed, not calling to say hello, not buying flowers. To the other partner, these things may appear petty and not important at all. The point is they do matter and both partners should ensure they listen to their partner and learn what is important to them and what is not. It is not possible to be perfect I know, but it is possible to listen and do the things that make your partner happy. In the same way we hope that they will do the same for you. So keep an eye out for the little things in life. You may have to compromise your own routines to include them, but that is a small price to pay for happiness and love.

6. Compromise on the Outcome

Dating and relationships are open ended affairs. Until you stop seeing someone then there is no end, only the future. Compromise on your view of the future by being far sighted and open minded. You may believe that true happiness will only occur when you have a midtown loft apartment in Manhattan together, or a yacht in a Greek Island harbor and are sailing the seven seas together. That is the beauty of ambition and dreams. But make sure those dreams are shared.

I have seen couples split up at retirement after many decades together because their retirement dream was never spoken about or shared. The point is, as a couple, your ambitions and goals and future should be a shared vision from early on if they are truly to work. You need to be singing from the same hymn sheet and that means you need to be compatible from the outset. You may both have to compromise first to get to that shared vision but it doesn’t make it any less worthwhile.