The Choice

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By Serene, 6  July 2010

Relationships are hard. There are times where we wonder why we are in a relationship and want out. We want to be single and alone. We feel like it is much better to live alone in our own world and habits. We are tired of the quarrelling and misunderstandings. We are tired of having to accommodate someone’s needs and compromise ours. We are tired of listening to the same stories and dealing with the same annoying habits. But when we are suddenly on our own or spend some time apart, we realise how much we need to be with people and how much joy there is in enjoying each other’s company. Perhaps it is not really about the relationship that is overwhelming, maybe you just need to deal with what you want, who you are. When the going gets tough, here are some things that might help save you from throwing everything away:

* Take time out. Spend time apart. Do your own thing. Absence sometimes does make the heart grow fonder and you forget what you are really frustrated about
* Take care of yourself, your mental, physical and emotional health. We often take out our stress on our partners without realising it. It helps that we learn how to handle our stress and anger and manage them well
* Put on the rational cap instead of the emotional one. Taking things too personally and sensitively really does not help in many situations; it always helps to take a step back to think hard about the logic and rational aspect of why and how things happen. It’s usually not as bad as you think and it’s usually not the other person’s fault either
* Understand how the other person shows love and notice the little things he or she does for you. We all have different ways of showing love. How we want to be loved is different from how our partners show us love. If we recognise and know that our partners are loving us the way they know, as best as they can, then it is all that matters

You might have other insights and tips that you have learnt from dealing with tough situations in relationships. Share with me at serene@thechoice.co.nz