By Amy Schoen, March, 2011
Here are some questions and suggestions to get you thinking about what you want to attract into your life and creating your attraction plan for dating.
• How would you envision your life to look like, a year from now? What values and characteristics do you want your romantic partner to have?
Here I am asking you to close your eyes and see your life a year from now. If you see it, then you can work toward your vision. Once you have visualized what you want, it’s important to make it real by creating a picture of it or putting together a collage of what you want your life to look like and what qualities you want your romantic partner to embody.
• What are your dating or relationship goals?
Goals need to be written down to make them attainable. I suggest you post your goals at a place you see at least once a day. I post my goals on the bathroom mirror. For instance, an example of goals written down is “in 3 months time I will be dating someone steadily, lose 10 pounds and work as a volunteer once a month”. Some of my clients put their goals on their computer- or in their Palm Pilot.
• What would support you in achieving your dating and relationship goals?
For instance, would losing weight or having a makeover support you in feeling better about yourself so you would be more confident about going out and dating? Perhaps better time management would give you more time in your day to look for someone and for going out on dates. Taking up a new sport can put you in touch with new people to date. Last, by working with a coach or a therapist, you can get the support and encouragement you may need from an impartial person to take action.
• What one or two things will you try that you haven’t yet tried in order to meet new people to date?
You may want to check out speed dating event you have been wanting to try. Also, you can Google “group activities”. Find something that you haven’t tried before where you will feel comfortable. For instance, if you are not athletic, then I don’t recommend you going to a sports oriented group. You may feel awkward there.
• Who can you enlist to help you in your search for a life partner?
There is a whole list of people who can help you: friends, family, co-workers, leaders at your synagogue or church. Also, there are match-makers who help people find life partners for a fee. It’s also a known fact that married women love to fix people up. So who can you approach about setting you up on a date?
Bonus question: What will you commit to doing differently this year that you haven’t done this before?
Do you need to change your attitude about dating from an uptight perspective to a more relaxed one? Are you willing to be more open and positive about dating? All this will make you more attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps you need to learn how to weed through suitors better and more quickly. And, how is your rejection tolerance? Are you willing to face your fears head on and be fearless about meeting new people to date this year? Last, give someone a second chance or a second date. You may be pleasantly surprised what’s really there.